Have you found it? I have not. I keep thinking I’ve got this. Repeatedly, I believe, truly believe, that I now have my feet under me, have this figured out, know what to do, have got it “goin’ on” enough to begin living my intentional life as I had planned. Remember that? How my word for 2013 was “intentional”? Well I am pretty much a living example of the well-intentioned but unintentional. Somehow while I intend to be purposeful and deliberate, pursuing goals and experiences that I value, I find myself running from craziness to craziness instead.
So A) I apologize for being such an absent blogger. I truly want to live a creative life…to consider and write and create. But I find myself marking day after day without nourishing creativity. Unless Angry Birds counts as feeding my creativity.
And B) It also means that I fall into bed at night with a list of what I failed to do. And yes, that’s how I say it in my mind. I recite the ways that I didn’t meet my own expectations: how I didn’t run…again, how I lost my patience with Mom or (sometimes and!) snapped at Glenn, how I chose a game on Facebook over reading, how I failed to read my Bible. And while I so wish better for you than I choose for me, I’m pretty sure I’m not alone.
So here’s what I think: let’s stop making a list of what we failed to do. Let’s remember that tomorrow is another day and remind ourselves not to compare our worst with everyone else’s A-game. Let’s offer space for life within our own expectations for ourselves. Let’s “hold ourselves to a standard of grace, not perfection.” Let’s change our inner dialogue from what I didn’t do to what I will do. And then let’s slowly re-introduce those things that we want to pursue. Let’s be intentionally intentional.
Want to read more from someone I admire? Check out what Emily has to say at Jones Design Company. So good!